The Wasteland is still Awesome
by Decrazysheep
Summary: or:"How the Mojave became greatful they weren't yet dead." or "Mojave Boom De Yadda" involves many minor characters, singing, and irony.


_A/n: If you've never seen any of the thousands of 'Boom de yada' songs I suggest you google discovery channel's version. The capital waste land has one, so does Bioshock, and Mass Effect, I believe The mojave is nice enough to get one too. Enjoy, and I know there is no defense for this._

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><p><strong>It was one part gunpowder<strong>, to three parts dirt and clay (in equal measure) caked unevenly on a tanned and cracked surface. That was the face of a miner. Sloan was never an easy place, whether the Deathclaws prowled about or not. Work meant explosives and heavy machinery, and heat stroke if you didn't stay watered down. Water was a good way to glue the soot and dust to you; ergo you got hotter, faster. By the time the evening whistle blew it was a promise of that miseries end (however brief) that kept most men on their feet long enough to reach the little saloon where they could drink and eat to their debtors content. Every cap went back to their bosses, who in turn might give them half of them back on pay day.  
>It was irritating to think about, maddening really. So, to keep their sanity they listened to a crazed super mutant on the radio. They figured so long as they could keep from sounding as nutty as her-them-it, they were still okay.<p>

So the mud covered fingers turned the dial until the hissing stopped and turned the sound up so each man could measure himself against the great lunatics.  
>The crackling and popping faded quickly, the signal came in as strong and clear as ever.<p>

The first host voice rang out high and light, sounding like a female who might be trying to pretend she didn't have a cold; Or an Adam's apple."_Welcome back, Utobitha! I have with me Best Friend Tabitha, who has something important she'd like to share!"_

Tabitha's voice was more guttural and jarring, but none the less worried. "_Well, Rhonda, I'm a little concerned about the number of humans that keep coming to Black Mountain!"_

"_Humans? Here? Oh, why do you think they do that?"_ Rhonda echoed the sound of surprise that rolled through the dinning area. A small hush fell onto their heads as they craned their ears.

"_Honestly, I think they're a little jealous of the ideal society we've built here, Rhonda! And I can't blame them."_

A few of the miners scoffed and turned back to their meals. More propaganda was not going to make their moods lighter. Indifferent to her audience's abandonment Tabitha kept growling through the radio._ " In fact just the other day a human scrambled up our lovely mountain singing hysterically!_

" _**Singing?**__ Why on earth was he doing that?" _The lady of the show squeaked. The bar tender asked when they were going to put on some singing. Another asked if they thought they might take suggestion and complaints. The general consensus was that if they wanted to hike up there and ask he was going to have to do it alone.

"_OBVIOUSLY he was CRAZY RHOLAND!" _Tabitha bellowed_, " You see, Rhonda, the warm soothing radiation we Super Mutants enjoy will make weak, flimsy, humans sick. They can even die from it! If I had to guess I'd go with he boiled his brain with radiation." This won another snorted chuckle from the workers._

"_OH MY!" _the radio distressed._ "What a terrible way to go. Sickness is sooooo sickening to think about. Did the psychotic singer suffer long?"_

"_Oh Don't worry Rhonda," _Tabitha soothed her co-host. "_The silly human didn't die from the radiation. He ran straight into Moe's pen."__**  
><strong>__"Moe? Favorite Centaur MOE?" The lady asked excitedly, then let out a sigh of relief.  
>"I bet playing with him made him feel much better- er- until he died that is."<em>**  
><strong>"_Hahaaha. That's right! Centaurs are loyal to US. .. But Rhonda, they EAT humans"._

There was a pause and one of the listeners mutterd something along the lines of "god rest his poor stupid soul."

Reluctantly Rhonda formed her response.** "**_Oh.. well maybe it didn't cheer him up that much._

A tone of feinged respect for the dead crept into the blocky voice._ "He may have been stupid and dead but he did bring Utobitha something. _

" _**Ooooh, **__what's that__**?"**_

Anger roared out of the radio.** "**_ A SONG THAT WE CAN'T GET OUT OF OUR HEADS!"_

" But best friend Tabitha does that mean we're going to sing it again?" Tabitha ventured. The bar lady drew in a disbelieving breath and strands of simple music started in the background. "I can't miss this, turn it up, turn it up!" She laughed.

The great leader of Utobitha sounded unsure for only a moment.** "**Uh… Yup."

And suddenly the Mojave started to sing.

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><p>Tabitha: <em><strong>I love BLACK MOUNTAIN!<strong>_

Rhonda: _**I love Favorite Centaur Moe!**_

Raul_: [meekly] __**I'd Love My Freedom**_

Sarah Weintraub_**: **__[while sweeping vault 21]__** I love my home sweet home!**_

The Rad Rat Pack: _**We love the mojave**_

The chairmen:_** and All this crazy slang**_

The lonesome Wanderer:_ [strums guitar]__** Boom de yadda, boom de yadda, boom de yadda**_

Securitron:_ [_shoots missile at man running towards the gate] _**Boom de yadda **_

Freeside children:_** We love the giant rats!**_

Mr. Fantastic:_[on top of Helios1, with both fist raised]__** I love the rising SUN!**_

Ceaser:_[speaking from his throne]__** I love democracy.**_

Craig Boone: _[watching the above through a scope] __**I love my loaded gun**_

Mr. New Vegas: _**I love the whole world. **_

Great Kahns:_** It's full of chems and bliss!**_

Goodspirng's residents_**: **__[drunkenly at bar__**] Boom de yadda, boom de yadda, boom de yadda**_

_**Boom de yadda!**_

Keen:_** I Love the flora**_

Chief Hanlon:_** I love the clear blue lakes**_

NCR Troopers:_[shouting in front of Gomorrah]__** We love cheap HOOKERS!**_

Viper Raider:_** I love the tunnel snakes!**_

Butch Deloria:_** I love that reference!**_

_**No-bark Noonan: [**__squeaky voice, moveing his teddybear__**] I Love when ghoulies fly!**_

Veronica: [resignedly, looking at Vegas from 188]_** We Love all the waste, all the good and bad.**_

Everyone (yes even the raiders mid-cannibalistic-chew):_ **Boom de yada boom de yadda boom de ydda boom de yadda **_

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><p>" Boom de yadda, boom de yadda, boom de yadda, boom de yadda." Sang the Sloan workers, feeling better, and madder, than they ever had. They continued their rounds reminding themselves of the good things they still had. On the radio the two co host could barely be heard over the noise. "Gee, best friend Tabitha! The Mojave is just Awesome isn't it?"<p>

Rolanda laughed, deep and hearty. Not the fake laugh she'd practiced for the radio but a real one. "Yes, Rhonda. Yes it is."


End file.
